honoumiko

Taken from my ooold Xanga:

Saturday, July 05, 2003

So much for being giddy.

I don't even know what to do with myself, try to make myself feel better? I feel so inert right now. I can't even take it with this music in the background while i'm writing. When the hell am I going to learn not to fool myself? I'm fucking doomed.

Jesus. It seems the first Fridays of the month I shouldn't even leave my house--- no never mind, even get UP, because something's going to hurt me. Damn it all to hell.

Maybe I should be a nun, I mean it's not like I'll ever find anyone. Or maybe not, considering I'm not on the best terms with God right now. Said a prayer to St. Valentine, then things started looking up. Said another prayer begging that if things WEREN'T looking up, that they wouldn't look like they were, and that I'd only see the truth. Things still were looking even better. The day I finally start believing the possibility was a reality, my hopes were shot. I guess God has better things to worry about. Why should he bother himself with me? The whole world is a living hell. My life is nothing.

OH GOD WHEN I WAS SIXTEEN WOULD I EVER HAVE IMAGINED I WOULD BE LAUGHING SO HARD AT THIS????

LOL BETH IF YOU READ THIS LOL OMG LOL.